I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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