You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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