I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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