I met the friendliest cop last night
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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