You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
