I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
