Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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