how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
