Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
