I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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