Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
