did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
