she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
