the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
