Kiss
Puke
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
