Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
