I hope mine doesn't look like that
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
