Betty ford says i'm here all night
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I smell like Dick and happiness
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