She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
