she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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