so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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