Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
