nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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