how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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