ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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