Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
