we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize