i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
