I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
