Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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