you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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