So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
