Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
