my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
