Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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