sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
