I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
