shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
