eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
