Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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