The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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