Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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