You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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