***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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