My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
