Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
This couple is walking their pig around campus
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
