im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
