I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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