i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
