You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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