its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
