in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
