At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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