Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Randomize
