Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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