sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
