is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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