my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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