I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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