you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
