Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
