so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
