and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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