can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
