Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
