This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
