At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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