KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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