I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
