Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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