Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
