Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
