thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
