i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
